1. |
Rebooting
01:42
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2. |
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it hurts
but it’s comfort
when i grip life
so tight
i don’t want it
the force of habit
why can’t it
feel right?
i need to
learn to let go of
these thoughts
that seem to control
i’m still feeding off up crumbs i dropped when i was 13 years old
then hiding in tiny holes
like i have always been told
it’s so hard
learning to let go of
these thoughts
(learning to let go)
i know someday i’ll get better
but that doesn’t stop the pressure
to enjoy things day by day despite
intrusive thoughts always
i don’t know how much longer, i can fall asleep with the fear
that i’ll wake up tomorrow & one or all of my friends will no longer be here
i know this paper & this pen could never solve anything
but if songs could save lives we’d be the saviors this town needs
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3. |
Stress Headache
03:48
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i stay updated, it’s always endless & everything
so restlessly
i stay up late, cause i’m so scared that it’ll get worse
while i’m asleep
the doomsday clock is ticking
the seconds overwhelming
the weight of the world is crushing me
i have a stress headache today
i tried some advil but it won’t go away
it’s worse than it was yesterday
cause the world’s still crumbling
& so i look up what the pain it my chest means
it says bad things
& then i hyperfocus on it the rest of the night
just ruminating
will it get better someday?
it’s so much effort to reach for, it’s so far away
we need to be told it’ll be okay
but no ones saying anything
i don’t want to die
or lose my mind
the world’s crumbling
my brain’s melting
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4. |
Glass House
03:17
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i’ve been meaning to reach out, i never did reach out
& now i’m beating myself up
frozen in time, while everyone else lives their lives
i miss life on the outside of this glass house that is my head
i just want out, i want to feel connected again
because describing everyday as feeling like a dream makes it seem more luxurious than it actually is.
why is it so damn hard to speak?
suddenly, all my friends are scary
watching all my friendships pass me
banging on these glass walls, why can’t you hear me?
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5. |
Dreaming
01:41
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6. |
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bees can read your thoughts
before they die
crushed by starmen
falling from the sky
of course i trust you
but i’ll still read your mind
how would i know you love me
without my psi?
cause your dreams are my dreams
are our dreams telepathically
connected energies
what could this mean???
i would love to not
be so lost in thought
oh, the price we pay
for living life this way
living so aware
of the thoughts that make us scared
your thoughts are my thoughts
are our thoughts psychokineticaly
connected energies
what could this mean?
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7. |
Machine?
03:30
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i woke up with metal in my skin
a brand new awful feeling
electric heat running through my veins
i cant feel anything
the world around me
fades into nothing
& i feel like i am floating
i desperately try grounding techniques
but i’m not here, nothing’s working
i know someday i’ll get better
but that doesn’t stop the pressure
to enjoy things day by day
when bad thoughts always rule my brain
am i machine?
are my feelings programmed inside me
are destinies binary?
are we copies of copies of copies of copies
what am i feeling?
am i really feeling anything?
remind myself that i am breathing
neon existentialism
my body is a chasm
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8. |
The Tempest
03:43
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9. |
Human!
04:03
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sometimes i cant recognize the boy in the mirror
& i worry i may never recognize him again
sometimes my floating feet sink right through the bed
& i wake up not knowing where i’ve been
are you more scared of the things in this world, or the things inside your brain?
do you find moments of relief before the bad thoughts kick back in??
take my hand cause
as long as i’m human
you’ll never be alone
our interiors are never born cold
i’ll always be human
you’ll never be alone
nothing will take this from us, no
it’s stupid & childish but i still run out of breath chasing the days when ian was still around
sleeping on his floor was well worth the back pain,
waking up without a sense of fleeting time
now our friend group has grown up & grown apart
& it grows harder to fall asleep at night
how do you feel fulfilled when the better days seem just out of reach
& you spend all your time arms stretched failing to grasp them
when you can’t tell if your pills & therapy sessions are working
& thinking about them for too long reminds you that there were times when it seems you didn’t need them
i’m learning to take solace in the fact that though it may not be as immediate as i like, i’ll get better
i just need to focus on taking deep breaths in, deep breaths out, unclenching my jaw, & letting go
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10. |
Shutting Down
02:51
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Hey, ily! Billings, montana
power pop kinda music from Billings, MT!!
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@heyilyforever
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@heyilyforever
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